TESSIE THE CAT
“I sure appreciate you guys looking after Tessie; we’ll be back in 10 days.” Louise said as she handed Beth a small calico colored cat.
“Oh that’s fine, I’m sure she’ll be no trouble at all.” Beth said.
“I don’t know about this.” I said as the door closed behind Louise. This was the first I had heard of us looking after any cat.
“It’s taken us the past 30 years to use up all the various animals our children have adopted for us over the years.”
The last cat had just died about 6 months ago. In the past 10 years alone we had had at one time 3 large dogs, (one ours 2 our grown kids) and seven cats, (one ours all the rest the kids). I love all animals, but I’d had enough, it was time to live animal less.
“Don’t worry we are only going to have her for a few days, don’t be so cruel, look at the poor little thing. I think she understands what you’re saying.” Beth said in a stage whisper.
I looked at Tessie. She looked at me, and immediately ran upstairs and disappeared. I never said or heard a thing about our latest border for three days; in fact I had totally forgotten we even had a cat in the house. One morning about 7AM just as I was about to leave for work Beth yelled for me from the front yard.
“Larry come out here I think Tessie is stuck up in our big tree.”
This wasn’t a big deal I thought cats are always going up trees, who cares! I went out to have a look. This tree in our front yard is a large Fir tree, about 4ft around at the base and at least 90feet high, with no branches for the first 20 feet or so.
“There she is, do you see her, on that big branch?” Beth said.
I looked up and there was a little head peering down at me from a branch about 30 feet up. Tessie didn’t look too happy.
“I think the poor dear has been up there all night, probably a dog chased her.” Beth said.
“Oh don’t worry she’ll come down when she gets hungry, she’ll be down before I’m home tonight I bet.”
“I hope so, what will we tell Louise?”
“Well Louise won’t be home for at least a week, by then Tessie will be down and happy. Either that or her dead body will be hanging from that branch.
Anyway I’m not going to worry about that stupid cat, I’ve got to get to work, see you later.” I said and got into my car and went to work.
I never gave this little drama a thought all day.
When I got home that evening Beth and a few neighbors kids were standing looking up the tree. Tessie was still sitting on the same branch looking down.
“Come on Tessie.” Called Kimberly my 6 year old Granddaughter. “Look I’ve got your favorite cat food, come on down and try it.”
“I told you she was too scared to come down. You’ll just have to go up and get her Larry; it’s all your fault.” Said Beth a little testy.
I let that part about “my fault” pass, and went in to change my clothes for the big rescue.
After I had changed I came out and got our 22ft ladder and placed it against the tree. By this time there were a few more kids and neighbors around the base of the tree to help supervise the rescue. Now, by standing on the second last rung I could just reach the first large branch, I reached up and pulled myself onto it. I then stopped for a little rest and strategy planning. As I looked up, this cute small head about 10ft above looked down at me with eyes that plainly said, “Thank you my savior.”
“Hi Tessie, getting a little tired and hungry sitting on that stupid branch, are we? Well don’t worry we’ll have you down safe and sound in no time.” I said.
And with that I scrambled upward through and around several awkward branches until I was about 4ft below Tessie. I was standing with one foot on one branch, and the other sort of wound around a smaller very unstable twig. I was ready to grab Tessie. My head was directly under her as we looked into each other’s eyes. I hesitated for a moment, where was I going to grab her? When I got her, how on earth was I going to get down with an unfriendly cat in one hand? I had enough trouble getting up here with too hands.
But Tessie was obviously getting pretty excited about being rescued; she was edging over the branch and looking like she was going to jump on me.
She looked like she liked me.
“OK Tessie little girl, just relax and let me get my hand on the scruff of your neck.” I said as I stretched out as far as I could without actually falling. Just as I got a hand on Tessie she decided she didn’t like the way this rescue was going and turned to run away. I then started to squeeze her fur to get a better grip.
I think this was a mistake.
Maybe Tessie hadn’t eaten for a day or two. It appeared she hadn’t passed water for a week.
Suddenly without warning, as I looked up a deluge of very warm, very pungent, cat pee saturated my head, and ran down my body parts to my shoes.
I was so shocked, and “peed off”, I almost lost my grip and fell. It would serve those laughing busy bodies below right if I died. I thought.
Tessie scrambled another 20 feet up the tree.
“That’s it cat, you can stay up there till you rot.” I said trying to blink the cat pee out of my eyes.
With cat pee in my eyes and spitting the stuff from my mouth I finally reached the ground.
“Wow did you see how much pee that little cat had in her?” Beth said trying to stop laughing, and wiping the tears from her eyes. She and the rest of the assembled horde on the ground seemed to be much more impressed in the volume of liquid a stupid cat could hold than my unfortunate predicament.
“I not only saw it, I tasted it.” I said as I started to take off my clothes.
Did I forget to tell you the big tree Tessie had taken up residence was just outside our bedroom window? Now that she had gone up higher she was just above our window level, and definitely within earshot. So, all the next night, at regular intervals, Tessie made her pitiful little meows, and every time she did Beth said.
“You will have to try again in the morning Larry.”
“Call the fire Department, they love getting cats out of trees.”
“What will Louise think?” Beth said for the hundredth time.
“UUUMM”
I gather the meows stopped at some point during the night. I finally tuned out Beth and Tessie, and eventually I did get to sleep.
Next morning, Beth was up at dawn, out looking up through the branches calling that retarded cat. Just when she was sure Tessie had died, she spotted the small head looking down, but it wasn’t meowing, just looking pathetic.
“Don’t worry, cats always get down from trees, it they didn’t, half the trees in the city would have little cat skeletons hanging all over the place.” I said cheerfully as I left for work again.
When I got home that night Tessie was still up the tree.
“The fire Department says they don’t save cats from trees on private property.” Said Beth looking up the tree.
“Are you sure she’s still up there, I don’t see her, has she made any sounds today?”
“Oh yeah, she’s still up there I’m sure, every now and then she looks over, even meow’s a little, but she’s so far up its hard to hear her. I guess she is getting too weak to meow. I haven’t seen her for a few hours now, maybe she has died.” Beth said dejectedly.
That night my sleep was only interrupted a few times by a very weak, extremely pathetic little meow.
“Will you try again in the morning?”
“OK, don’t worry I’ll get her down one way or another before I go to work tomorrow morning, get to sleep.”
“I told you! I told you, she would die, Tessie’s dead.” Beth said shaking me awake at some ungodly hour.
“Oh, well, I guess I was wrong.” I said a little relieved as I turned over and went back to sleep.
About another hour passed.
“Larry, Larry wake up she isn’t dead. I can see her looking down from a higher branch.”
It was 6 AM on a beautiful summer morning. Was I contentedly reading my morning newspaper with a fresh cup of coffee? No, here I was, a 56 year old man, about to go up a very large, very high tree, and bring down what appeared to be a mostly dead cat. I wasn’t worried about the height; this has never bothered me. I was however very concerned about climbing down with a cat, dead or not, in one hand. Then I got a brilliant idea, I would take the small packsack I had used at college, and put Tessie in it.
This would be very easy, particularly if I had 3 hands.
Four would be better.
How would I hold on with one hand, grab Tessie with the other, and then stuff a cat into a pack on my back without either dislocating my shoulder, strangling the cat, fall, or as was most probable, all three. Anyway before too long I once again had the ladder against the tree, packsack on my back and heavy leather gloves to protect me when I grabbed Tessie around the neck. Yes I had thought this out very carefully, I figured I would only have one chance, and I would handle this little cat the same way I handled Button’s bath. Only one method worked with Buttons, our 30 pound totally insane Burmese cat. When I gave him a bath I would grab him around the neck and strangle him until he was mostly unconscious, then things went pretty smooth. The trick would be to get my hand around Tessie’s neck. As I started up the tree I soon realized the gloves had to go, as I couldn’t hang on to the branches properly.
“Be careful Larry, you’re getting pretty hi up there, can you see her yet?” Beth called as I was just getting around a very unfriendly branch just above where Tessie had done her job on me a few days earlier.
“No, I don’t see her yet, boy these branches are sure uneven and scratchy, and it looks a lot further down from up here.”
“Well no wonder it looks a long way, you’re on the side of the tree out over the cliff, you have another 60 feet or so to fall on that side.” Yelled Thelma, Beth’s friend, who I gather, had stopped on her morning walk to give advice.
“Yeah I noticed.”
I was beginning to get a little tired, I suffered from Tendinitis in both shoulder, there was only so long I could hold on. I had maybe another 10 minutes, and I would have to start down. As I got higher the branches became smaller and flimsier. I put my foot on one and as I started to put my weight on it, it broke with a loud crack.
“Oh no!” Beth screamed. “I think you should come down and forget about this, maybe we can get the Tree Man from down the street to come and help.”
“It’s OK, Im only about 10 feet from the branch I think she’s on. I haven’t seen her yet though. ” I called bravely.
As I inched myself the last few feet I was starting to wonder if the cat was still there, not a sound or any sign of her since I started up. I looked down, boy it sure looked a long way, it would probably take longer getting down, and I was getting very sore and tired.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.” I mumbled to myself.
“What did you say?” Beth called.
“Nothing just talking to myself.”
“Do you see Tessie yet?”
“Not yet, no wait a minute, there she is, I just see part of her head, and she is on a little platform that’s made up of a large fallen branch.”
As I got closer to her she looked at me once again like I was her savior. I didn’t trust that look. She could fool me once, but not again.
I eventually got into a position that had my head slightly above Tessie; she was very quiet and appeared very subdued.
“Hello again little cat, now don’t be afraid, I’m going to gently put my hand around your neck and lift you into the back pack.”
“Meow”
As I started to reach my hand out toward her neck I partially lost my balance and had to grab a very small flimsy branch above Tessie to keep from falling. She didn’t flinch or move at all. She was being very docile.
This might not be too difficult after all.
Once again I started to reach out my hand; Tessie gently licked my hand as I started to put it around her neck. As I slowly started to pick her up she didn’t resist. Then, when I had her part way to the backpack she started to go completely insane. She started to claw, and bite.
This was my cue to squeeze her neck. It was instinctive.
At first strangling her had no effect at all.
Here I was, sixty feet in the air, (holding a frantic cat trying to dig a hole in my arm) with one hand, and a very small branch with the other. My left leg was up near my ear and my right one was painfully wedged between the main trunk and a dead branch that was making strange creaking sounds.
“Tessie if you don’t stop this immediately I’m going to throw you off.” I yelled between cries of pain. Suddenly she quieted down and I started to try and get her into my pack. I had to get her past my face and into the pack on my back. I know I know, I should have had it on the front, but I didn’t, don’t ask me why. In any event I did get her past my eyes and as I started to get her into the top of the pack she started to go bezerk again. I squeezed harder and pushed her down with all my might. She was in. I took my bleeding hand away from her neck and tried to zip up the pack. Tessie started to claw her way out again. If I was to save this idiotic cat (not to mention me) she had to calm down. I made a fist and punched her on the top of her head with all my might. She disappeared into the pack and I immediately closed it up and started the long climb down.
I wasn’t sure how Tessie was fairing, but I was certainly the worse for wear.
There wasn’t a sound or any movement from my backpack all the way down. I was very near exhaustion by the time we got down. I sprawled on the ground to catch my breath.
Beth Gingerly opened the backpack expecting to see a dead cat.
As soon as the pack was opened, Tessie pranced out appearing as fresh as a daisy, and looked around. Then she spotted me lying there.
“Well look at that, she certainly recovered quickly. Oh, oh, she’s got her eye on you Larry, better run for it.” Beth laughed.
Tessie immediately came over to me and started to lick my hand and purred like a small steam engine.
When Louise came to get Tessie she decided to let us keep her.
Tessie was my cat.
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