I CAN READ ROAD SIGNS - I THINK

                                                   I Am NOT Lost !!

We were on our great Canadian adventure. We flew from Vancouver to Montreal. We rented a Dodge Caravan, and had driven through Quebec, New Brunswick, over the Confederation Bridge and through Prince Edward Island.  We took the Ferry to Pictou, and stayed overnight at a lovely Bed & Breakfast establishment that had been the USA Ambassador to Nova Scotia residence many years ago. Yes evidently for some reason there was an American Ambassador to Nova Scotia. It’s now the next morning and we’re on our way to visit Ken up in Guysbough County, Nova Scotia.

 

“Well that’s not to bad, it only took us 45 minutes to find our way out of New Glasgow.” Beth said.

“Well it’s all your fault, you said let’s detour through that pretty little town.” I replied.

“Well I didn’t expect we’d detour 20 Kilometers back to the ferry we came over on last night.”  Beth said trying to keep from laughing out loud.

“But it’s a pretty big place, must be almost ten thousand people at least. Anyway you had the map, why didn’t you tell me we were lost?”

“I thought you knew.”

“ I still can’t figure how we ended up on the other side of the highway, not to mention the other side of the bay without seeing any water.” I replied. “ Anyway we’re on the main highway now and it will be clear sailing the rest of the way to Ken’s house.”

“I’ve heard that before.” Beth said doing her annoying eyes roll up routine.

“I’ve got it all in my head, I memorized the map back in Vancouver don’t worry about a thing, finding Guysbough and Ken’s place is a piece of cake the rest of the way.”

“ Yea it looks pretty easy from this map, all we have to do is turn off the highway at Monastery.”

“ Look, don’t try and confuse me. I don’t care about any Monastery, all we do is turn right onto Highway 16 and it goes straight to Guysbough.”

“OK have it your way, but I’m looking for Monastery.”

“Go ahead.”

“You know what gets me about the roads in Nova Scotia, and for that matter New Brunswick as well?” I said.

“What.” Beth replied in a bored tone.

“All the roads go east or west, it seems nobody in these parts has even heard about North or South, very strange.”

“I think you’re imagining things.” Beth replied. “When did you tell Ken we would arrive?”

“I told him we would be there in about two hours.” I said.

“I guess you should phone him and tell him we’ll be late.” Beth said.

“ Naw I figure we can still make it in about an hour and a half, hardly worth using our Cell phone that goes all the way back to Vancouver and charges us long distance from there.”

“I guess your right.”

“Well that’s a first.” I answered.

It’s about forty-five minutes later and everything is going just as planned, interesting scenery, pleasant day. Not lost.  About ten minutes after we pass through Antiginish we start to look for the turnoff.

“We should see a sign pretty soon saying Monastery.” Beth said.

“Right, Highway 16 should be coming up pretty soon.”

We are zipping along at about 105 KPH and we approach a sign, it has all sorts of strange names that I don’t recognize then suddenly just as we are about past it, I notice a rather small 16 up on the top. At the very last minute I turn onto the exit trying to ignore the squealing tires, and begin around a sort of semi circle to a stop sign.

“Well at least we didn’t tip over.” Beth said.

“I’m used to my Saab.
“Right.” That eye roll bit again.

“Well here we are, I’m going to just pull over a bit and study the sign.”

“Well this is the right place all right, there’s a sign saying Monastery and Guysbough. To the left.” Beth said.

“Don’t care about your stupid Monastery, we just turn left and follow the road, it must be highway 16 and on to Guysbough and Ken’s.” I replied knowingly. “After all Im an instrument rated pilot and have flown half way around the world without getting lost."

“Yeah but you don’t have any instruments or Air Traffic Controllers to lead you around here.” Beth said

I couldn’t think of brilliant come back so I ignored her last barb.

“Look its impossible to get lost now, we’re on highway 16 and it goes to Guysbough.”

“ Oh oh here comes an intersection, this must be the way to Monastery.” Beth said in a bit of a stage whisper.

“I’m getting sick of the sound of Monastery, it’s got nothing to do with getting to Guysbough. Anyway this isnt a real intersection, its obvious the highway goes straight ahead, look the solid line keeps going and nothing there indicates a turn onto that side road.” I said.  Just then out of the corner of my eye I noticed a small sign that might have said Monastery Road.

Beth obviously didn’t notice it so I kept quiet.  We continued the drive in silence for awhile as we both enjoyed the lovely scenery.

“Well I guess you’re right, this is a nice curvy road, but I still don’t see how we missed Monastery.” Beth said about 5 minutes later.

That’s right I thought, we definitely must be on the right road, but I sure don’t remember there being so many twists and turns on Highway 16.

About another 5 minutes goes by and I notice water off the left side. Strange I don’t recall any lakes on highway 16.  A few minutes later, off to the right, through the tops of the trees a car is zooming along in the opposite direction. How did a car get up in the trees way out here on Highway 16?

“Something just doesn’t make sense, let’s pull over and have a look at that map.” I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was doing.

“ I knew we should have gone through Monastery.”

“Never mind, just give me that stupid map. What I can’t figure is those cars flitting through the tree tops.” I said pointing on the map where we must have been, like somewhere fifteen or twenty kilometers east of where Monastery was if there was such a place. 

“There goes another one zipping along through the trees.” Beth said triumphantly.

“That’s impossible, the only way a highway could be on our right side is if we crossed over the main Highway and we were on the ocean side, surely one of us would have noticed if we crossed a highway.” I said

“Maybe we went under it.” Said Beth.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“That water looks very much like an ocean to me.” Beth snickered, pointing out the left window.

“It sure would help if there was I sign every hundred Kilometers or so just to give us a hint of where we are.” I said. “Anyway let’s keep going until we find a sign or something helpful”

“ I told you we should have gone through Monastery.”

“Right you are, Monastery is definitely the answer to our prayers.” I scoffed.

A few kilometers further along we came to a sign with the names of two places we had never heard of, nor could we find them on the map. Most useful. It wasn’t until several days later I found out there were many places with names posted along the road that were not on any maps. For example  “Peas Brook” which was where Ken actually lived?

Another few kilometers go by and we again come to a sign, we are now at the intersection of the main Highway 104.  To the left it says Canso Causeway, to the right it says Antigonish. I still don’t actually know where we are, but at least both names mean something to me.

“ I think we should turn right and go back to where we turned off, find Monastery and start again from there.” Beth said.

“Naw that doesn’t make sense to me. Look it says Canso Causeway left, Ken lives about 20 kilometers from Canso, the road in front of his house must be called the Canso Causeway, left must be the way.” I said not feeling very confident at all.

Well I guess if any locals ever read this sad tale they have known all along where we were.  Yes we were almost at the Causeway all right. The Causeway that crosses over to the Island, Cape Breton Island, that is. In any event, we eventually made it to Ken’s home the long way around, like twice as far. 

That evening Ken invited a few friends over and at some time during the evening I interrupted the laughing, stories, jokes, and sundry lies to give my sorry tale of the rotten road signs in the Guysbough area.  Ron and Janelle  were there and seemed to sympathize with my complaints.

“ I think I could maybe write a little story about our misadventures finding this place.” I said.

“ Hey that’s a great idea, maybe it might help get some of our signs improved.” Janelle said, with a laugh.

Its now about a week later and the four of us, Ken, Faye, Beth and me are returning to Peas Brook from Halifax.  Just as we are about to turn off the main highway onto number 16 I get a great idea.

“Ken pull over at the stop sign, I want to take a few pictures to send to Janelle to prove my point about how one is led into being lost in beautiful Guysbough County." I yell.

So I take a picture of the stop sign and the sign indicating Guysbough and Canso to the left.

“ OK great I got that nice clear sign, now for a picture of where we went wrong, where the main, road leads you astray, it’s only a few hundred meters along. OK let me get this stupid camera in focus.” I say to no one in particular “Hey what’s this I see in the viewfinder it looks like a great big sign?”

“ Larry do you want me to stop in front of this sign so you can get a picture of it?” Ken says already stopped, and trying to stop laughing.

“Wow look at the size of that sign, it must be 12feet square, big red letters, Guysbough that way, big arrow..” Beth said pointing to the right.

“ I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it.” I stammered. “Well so much for my story about getting lost in Guysbough County, I still can’t see how we could have missed it.”

“Well it’s definitely there, so we must have missed it.” Beth said.

“ You’re right, I guess I owe an apology  to the Highways department, with a sign like that there is no reason anyone should get lost." I mumbled. “I was counting on writing my story.”

Although I didn’t say anything the rest of the way to Guysbough, it definitely was bugging me, how could I have missed that great big beautiful sign.

As we pulled into the Shopping Centre I noticed Janelle just getting out of her car with her cute little dog. As we pulled up next to her  she waved and we got out to say hello.

“Oh hi Larry, did you see it?” Janelle said.

“See what.” I said looking around.

“ The new sign, Ron met one of his friends that works for the Highways Department and told him your sad tail.  The new sign was up in three days.”

“ Do you mean that sign just off the highway that says Guysbough, the one I just took a picture of, the one I thought I had missed.”

“That’s the one, what do you think of Guysbough County Now?”

“Guysbough County is great, but at least I still have  a story to tell.” I said feeling much much better.  

 

 By Larry Bennett

November 1999