MY FRIEND

Friends

I was in my reclining chair, in front of our newly installed gas fireplace reading the evening newspaper after a great supper. I was very full, very warm, and very contented.

 It is one of the small pleasures of life that I relish, sitting, and reading the evening newspaper after supper. I particularly appreciated this on such a cold and rainy night.

The phone rang; Beth answered.

“Hello, oh hi Jennifer." She said.

 I tuned out.

Beth called.

“Larry its Jennifer, we have decided to go swimming at the White Rock pool. Do you want to come?”

Did I mention I was very contented, warm, and comfortable?

"Nah, I don't think so." I said. 

“OK" Beth said. And  went back to chatting with Jennifer.

I tuned out again.

“That’s a great idea, just a sec Jennifer, I'll ask him." I vaguely heard Beth say.

“We think we should ask Fred to come swimming with us. Would you like to drive in to Cloverdale, pick him up, and take him to meet us at the pool?" Beth said, without laughing out loud.

I guess it's about here that I should tell you a little about Fred.  Fred turned up one morning at our local United Church looking pretty down.  He was wearing a very large neck brace. You know the kind people wear when trying to prove a neck injury case with their Insurance Company.

 He said he had been injured at work, and was on medical disability leave. He worked as a Practical Nurse in a large mental hospital. He hadn't shaven for a few days.

He sure looked like he needed a friend. 

If there was one thing Beth was good at, it was attracting strays, whether it was cats, dogs, or people, they just naturally gravitated to her. Moreover, it wasn't just your run of the mill strays Beth attracted; it was always those in dire need of help. Usually it seemed they needed psychiatric help.  Fred was no exception.  He was about 55, 6ft, 200 pounds, lots of muscle, and he always had a very strange look in his eyes.

Before I knew what had happened, Beth had invited Fred out for lunch after Church. After lunch we drove him the 10 miles home. This became the norm every Sunday. Often (if I was at work) Beth would not only drive him home after church, she would go get him, and bring him to church. Now the way I figured it, Fred was mentally unbalanced, he also might be very dangerous to a woman alone.  I asked Beth not to take him alone. Naturally, she ignored me.

We had been doing this for a couple of years and no one had been killed. In fact, I had become I believe, Fred's only friend. He was having trouble with his pension fund and I had become Fred's advocate in dealing with various government agencies.  Whenever he needed anything he would call me. I would take him out for lunch etc., and had tried to get him to go to a hockey game or maybe a movie, or a play, usually with no success. Fred was not exactly the adventurous kind, and preferred to stay in his depressing house. He had built his house himself, and believe me, his personality shone through.

The chance of Fred leaving his warm, weird home, on a cold windy night was I figured just a little less than zero. For Fred to go swimming on a cold windy night was about half as likely.

"Sure no problem." I said. “If Fred wants to go, I’ll pick him up."

I can be very big hearted when I know there's no chance. I contentedly went back to my paper. I think Jennifer phoned Fred. She was about 27yrs old, and quite attractive, in any event she convinced Fred to go swimming.

The Phone rang. 

"Hello." Said Beth. "Right Jennifer, that’s great I'll tell Larry to go get him. I'll be ready. See you in ten minutes."

I couldn't believe my ears. What was wrong with that guy? He's probably doing this just to spite me.

 "So smart guy, Fred won't go eh." Beth said." He'll be ready when you get there."

“Oh goody."

I got to Fred's place in about half an hour.

"Come in Larry, that didn't take you long.” Said Fred. "What do you think I should wear?"

“I’d recommend a bathing suit." I said, with a laugh, thinking that maybe he was joking.

Fred very seldom joked.

He ignored me.

"Is it cold out?" He said.

"Not to bad." I said. "It's raining, but don't worry I parked in your carport. When we arrive at the Pool I’ll let you off the door.”

So after he got on his vest, then his sweater, and finally his parka (he didn't want to catch cold) he remembered he had forgotten to put on his shoes.  Well he couldn't reach his feet with his coat on so off it had to come. 

I should mention Fred never did anything in a hurry.

Finally, he got on his shoes. He got his parka back on, and eventually we got into the car. I had been there at least twenty minutes. It took us about fifteen minutes to get to the pool. I was getting worried Beth and Jennifer might have left.

Most of the people going in and out of the pool were wearing sweaters; some hardy souls were in short sleeves. A few looked at Fred, all bundled up (he had the parka hood done up) as if he had come from another planet. Remember this was White Rock. Snow was usually only seen on TV commercials. We entered the men's changing room. There were several men and boys in the room. No one paid any attention to us.

"Where do I change?" Fred asked.

"Right here." I said.  Wondering what he was talking about.

"I can't change in front of all these people." He said.

Then he spotted the baby-changing stall.

"I'll change in there.”He said.

 Somehow he managed to  wedged himself into this very small area. It wasn’t made for a person to get inside, but somehow he managed. Several of the men were giving me strange looks.  A few of the boys were snickering to themselves.

There were grunting sounds and the stall walls began to shake and bounce, I was afraid the whole stall was going to come down.

“Are you OK in there?" I called.

"I'm having a little trouble. Larry could you give me a hand." Fred yelled through the wall.

Well there was enough crashing and grunting without me trying to squeezing. I wasn't too enthralled with the idea of helping Fred put on his bathing suit either.

I ignored him. 

I sat there listening to the grunting and thrashing.  I wasn't going anywhere near that stall.

"Don't go without me." Fred yelled.

What a coincidence, I was giving that serious consideration.

Finally, the door from the little changing room opened, out came this older 6ft man in his bathing suit. I couldn’t believe my eyes; he also had on a dirty gray underwear vest. However, what really took the cake was that his bathing suit was on top of a rather old, pair of winter long Johns.

"Fred, You can't go into the pool dressed like that."

"Why not?" He said.

"Well I don't know." I said. “I’ve never seen anyone go into the pool with clothes on. I think there might be a rule or something."

"This is how I always go swimming." Fred said.

It’s your problem.  I hope it’s crowded inside and no one will notice I know you. I’ll get Beth and Jennifer to take you in tow, I said to myself, as we left the changing room.

Fred was keeping very close to me, too close. In fact, I could hardly turn without bumping into him.

"We have to take a shower before entering the pool area." I said.

"I don't take showers." Fred said.

What a surprise.

"Well I'm taking a shower." I said, as I started for the pool, with Fred one foot behind.

I took a shower and Fred stood a few feet away trying not to get any water on him.

So after the shower we entered the main swimming area. There was this strange looking man, maybe a clown, and I in lock-step.

"I think Beth and Jennifer are over there in the pool." I said pointing to the main pool."Why don't you go and find them, I'm going into the hot tub."

Without waiting for a reply I turned and walked briskly over to the hot tub.

"Good luck you two." I thought, as the pleasant image of Fred finding them, flashed before my eyes.

The tub was quite full of men and women. I decided to sit on the side for a moment with my feet in the water before I ventured in. As I sat down, I noticed several of the people in the tub glance at me with funny looks. I noticed eyes shifting left and right.  I glanced to my right, and sure enough, Fred had followed me. There he was, perched beside me like some modern day gargoyle, and about to put his arm around me.

“Why don't you go find Jennifer?" I croaked.

He didn't say anything just sat there in his underwear with his arm around me. The people in the tub sat and stared at this strange couple.

One after one, they all left.

We had the tub to ourselves.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Beth and Jennifer looking at us. I tried to beckon to them, but they ignored us. As it turned out, Fred’s protector, my loving wife, and the lovely and compassionate Jennifer, studiously ignored us the rest of the evening.

Oh well what are friends for.

Written by Larry W. Bennett